Mirror Mirror
Applying what I've learned in my moments of reflection
This note’s audio accompaniment
When I’m asked to share one piece of fashion advice, I always say -- know what works for your body and don’t fall into the trend trap. All good outfits start here.
Over the past few decades, I’ve made plenty of mistakes. Most of those were made in my younger years when conformity and acceptance were priorities. Today, I’m far less concerned with the good opinion of other people and I don’t worry about what’s trending, and that frees me up to create more authentically. When I think of some of my personal style icons, it’s not so much about what they’re wearing (ok, some of it is), it’s how they carry themselves in their outfit. They’re not fussing or fidgeting, nor are they peacocking. They walk with a captivating mix of confidence and ease in complimentary cuts. It’s clear they understand what works for them -- and it’s either intuitive or they’ve spent time in front of the mirror, in study.
The next time you’re trying something on, and it just doesn’t feel right, investigate. Many a bad decision has come from ignoring my own sartorial sixth sense and dismissing my doubts. I know that resisting the urge to please an eager sales associate requires restraint and it’s not that I’ve never erred, it’s that I’m better at predicting the outcome. Sometimes I’m aware even as I’m at the register, that between 14 and 30 days from that moment, I’ll be facing that dreaded walk of shame, decoy shopping bag in hand, avoiding all eye-contact, having to utter the words, “I have a return”.
As I’ve become more familiar (and comfortable) with my attributes, my returns have dwindled, drastically. With Gladwell’s 10,000 hours under my belt and The Serenity Prayer memorized, I’ve learned there are things I can change, some that I can’t, some I’m content with, and some I’m still learning to accept. The knowledge I’ve accumulated during this extended study of body has helped me, immensely. I like tees with longer sleeves, I wear belts with free-flowing dresses, I prefer wide leg pants to narrow, and full skirts versus fitted, and for the longest time, I didn’t even know why. The revelation came in reverse. I felt better in some outfits and worse in others and through pause and reflection, I came to appreciate why. The order isn’t important, it’s how you apply the intel.
Not everyone appreciates my detached observations and occasionally my self-critique is misinterpreted as an insecurity and is met with unnecessary conciliatory comments. For example, when I pass on a blazer with overly exaggerated shoulders and cite my inherently broad shoulders as the reason why, there’s an immediate attempt to bolster my confidence by challenging the observation. While I appreciate the altruistic intent behind the attempt, there’s truly no need for it. I’m good. I’m in the “it is what it is” stage of life and enjoying it. I’m making wise purchasing decisions, saving time (and money), and most importantly, feeling great when I leave the house.
Objective observation without self-flagellation is the goal. You want to hone the skill so you buy better and feel confident in what you’re wearing…because even if a hundred people say you look fabulous, if you feel differently, it doesn’t matter.
Here are some of my recent outfits, explained:
The pareo wrap skirt is easy and sheer which is nice for the summer, and it rounds out my hips and balances my frame. I liked the outfit well enough before the wrap, but I have to do a half tuck to get the same rounding out effect. And the colour of this bag with green/grey works well.
I wore this outfit to an Indian engagement party. I started with a simple top and wide-leg pants and added pieces to take the look from west to east. The scarf is unassuming and multifunctional because of the small button/loop closures. Adding it and wearing it crossbody gave the outfit a saree like finish. However, because of the volume on top, I wanted a little extra below, so I added the half skirt and only then did it feel complete.
Wore this outfit to a play recently and wasn’t sure if I’d need an extra layer of warmth (sometimes theatres are freezing but my hot flashes kept me toasty) so I tied a blazer to my waist. I liked the resulting effect. The outfit worked without it as well because even though the skirt is narrow, white is widening and by sizing up and wearing it lower, it looked fuller.
And finally, a simple outfit that works without any effort because the pieces are in proportion – a slightly oversized shirt in a vibrant blue (this is another option and great for summer as it’s linen), paired with a leather wrap skirt that’s wider. A simple half tuck and done!
Make the most of your mirror moments and be gentle. One of the methods my husband employs in his mindful meditation practice (R.A.I.N. Recognize. Allow. Investigate. Nurture.) seems applicable here too. Speak soon.
N xo
I love the insight into how you think about putting these looks together. Would be a great regular feature -- hint hint :-)
I too have broad shoulders and find it difficult to find blazers without over exaggerated shoulders. I've tried several styles from The Row and really wanted them to work but alas they didn't. Therefore, I agree that being comfortable in my skin also means to not follow trends and instead wear what makes me feel and look good, i.e. blazers without shoulder pads 😉